It's Thursday! And I'm starting something that every paper blog should have....Etiquette Thursdays!
Etiquette is a funny thing...just about the time you get it all figured out, it changes. So in this new world of no rules, I'm going to try to set some guidelines. I'll be checking with Emily Post, The Knot, and some of the other known etiquette sites as well as getting opinions for all of you. So let's not waste anymore time...here we go:
A good friend called me last week mad as fire because she found out that an upcoming family wedding would be an 'Adults Only' event. She has two little ones and would be traveling out of state for the wedding...which puts her in an odd place. If the kids aren't allowed to come, can she even find/trust an out of state sitter? And should she be asked to cover that expense? She felt like there was just no other option but to not attend and was heartbroken by it.
These days, it's becoming fairly common for brides to ask me to include "Adults Only" somewhere on their wedding stationery. I suggest this is noted somewhere on the RSVP or other insert and not on the actual invitation. This is never a topic I broach with them, as I'm sure this is a decision that's been discussed and decided, but I always wonder how it went over.
Time and time again, I try to express to the brides that I work with that this is their wedding to do as they please, regardless of what etiquette says. The hosts of the event pay for all of the pretty details and get to make the decision of who to invite and who not to invite. And if they choose to make the event 'Adults Only'...well, that's really their choice to make. BUT, every choice has a consequence.
If you decide that you'd like your event to be 'Adults Only', know that you may be offending your friends and relatives with children...that just comes with the territory. According to The Knot, this can be done...but must be done tactfully. If you choose to exclude children, this must apply to all children...you can't invite just your best friend's or cousins' kids. The only exception would be children that are part of the wedding ceremony...but even that gets touchy. One of my brides offered on-site baby-sitting, which I thought was a brilliant compromise. Maybe a family member would be willing to watch over the kiddos while the adults enjoyed the event?
Did you invite kids to your wedding? Did they add to or take away from the event? How do you feel about 'Adults Only' weddings?
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It never crossed my mind to make my wedding Adults Only 8 years ago. But then again, I was pretty easy breezy when it came to the wedding planning and decision making. Made it a lot less stressful for me personally. And I would have hated offending anyone with children or excluding the kids. After all, they are family too.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, kids definitely do add to the event. My husband's niece was our flower girl and was very cute in her little white dress. My husband, by the way, is from Peru and is completely appalled that people would exclude kids from weddings as it just doesn't make sense and seems rude and even weird in his exact words.
ReplyDeleteSo I'm assuming this isn't the traditional wedding, there is no flower girl, or ring bearer? HOW WEIRD! I couldn't imagine having this kind of wedding! Obviously, lol, these people don't have kids yet! I think it was Misty, who provided a baby sitter at her wedding. And I think it was noted on the RSVP "Childcare provided". If it were adult only, I'm pretty sure we wouldn't attend. We do however enjoy shopping for a new dress for each wedding we do go to (for BayBay that is). It's fun to dress them up every once in a while, but that's another story!
ReplyDeleteHere's the thing
ReplyDeleteIt's MY WEDDING
So guess who makes the rules. That's right, I make the rules. Pretty simple.
It someone is offended at how I want to celebrate then that's their problem and I don't want them at MY WEDDING.
All I need is your out of control kid running into grandma on the dancefloor and the she breaks her hip and is dead the next day :)
And Jamie, because we didn't have a ring bearer and flower girl now we're weird? Really?
Oh Louie, do you cause drama everywhere you go? ;) YOU were the little kid no one wanted at their wedding, huh? ;)
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, Louie speaks the hard truth here. I think this is what brides are thinking when they choose not to invite the kiddos. What if one misbehaves? And their Mom/Dad doesn't stop them? Unfortunately not all parenting is created equal.
But, I still think if you choose to 'uninvite' children, you should expect to deal with some hurt feelings from friends and family.
I was the highlight of peoples wedding!! The nephew from the city who was out on the floor doing that breakdancing thing!!
ReplyDeletePersonally we didn't have many kids to invite anyway and we didnt hav the space at the hall we wanted... Either way it was still my day dammit ;) hahaha